The Perfect Quirky GHF blog wheel

Image Jo Freitag

Image Jo Freitag

Sprite, Retweet the Twitter bird and White Poodle joined me in visiting all the posts on the GHF May blog hop Perfectionism and other Gifted/2E quirks.
http://giftedhomeschoolers.org/blog-hops/perfectionism-gifted2e-quirks/

 Gifted kids can be pretty quirky, and one of the most common of these quirks is perfectionism. In these posts, several of our bloggers share their experiences – for better or for worse – with perfectionism and other gifted characteristics in their own families. 

“It is usually a blog hop for me; but there are more than 15 posts to visit so it was a blog wheel for me this time” Sprite said.

We did wish to leave an image of a note containing our comments at each blog we visited and had even prepared a little card and signed it

Kind regards
Jo, Sprite, Retweet and the White Poodle
But found we could only leave text messages with no option to add a picture.

So here are the posts we visited and the comments we left or tried to leave.

A Touch of Perfectionism ~ Gifted Unschooling (Amy Harrington)
http://www.giftedunschooling.com/a-touch-of-perfectionism/
Contrary to popular opinion, I don’t view perfectionism as a negative. I see motivation, determination and unwavering focus as an asset. Perhaps our unschooling philosophy helps shape my full glass view of the relentless drive that is perfection. Perspective is everything. Espousing a positive view of perfectionism keeps one aspirational until completion.
Comment:
Thanks for a great post, Amy!
We loved these phrases
‘healthy perfectionists’
‘Perfection is subjective’
‘Success doesn’t come from mediocrity’
Kind regards
Jo, Sprite, Retweet and the White Poodle

A Very Quirky Life ~ Homeschooling Hatters (Care Martin)

http://homeschoolinghatters.blogspot.com.au/2015/05/a-very-quirky-life.html

Mad Natter and I actually share quite a few of the same quirks – we sleep better when we can hear someone else breathing, we don’t do things if we can’t do them well, we will watch the same movie over and over, repeating the dialogue as we go… I think that might just be us, though.
Anyway. Some of the more common quirks that we see here in our Mooselandia home are fairly widespread amongst other like-type people.

My comment:
Great post!
Movement like pacing or juggling does seem to be necessary for many gifted people to do their best thinking and creating
Kind regards
Jo, Sprite, Retweet and the White Poodle

Asynchronous and Awkward ~ Madeline’s Musings (Madeline Goodwin)
https://ecosciencegirl.wordpress.com/2015/05/18/asynchronous-and-awkward/

For me, and for other gifted and twice-exceptional young adults, it is asynchrony in our development which turns our abilities into challenges. It is when several aspects of ourselves are in different places, leaving us in a constant state of tug-of-war. My observation is that executive function tends to lag behind, learning ability shoots way ahead, and emotional regulation requires control to prevent it from swinging back and forth like a pendulum. Sensory processing, motor skills, and social skills vary. This can lead to some awkward situations.
Comment:
Madeline, thank you so much for sharing your experience of asynchrony and all the aspects that made you thankful!  You are a great role model for gifted and 2E students.
Kind regards
Jo, Sprite, Retweet and the White Poodle

Beautifully Sensitive ~ Every Day Blessings (Tabitha Ferreira)

https://randomeverydayblessings.wordpress.com/2015/05/18/beautifully-sensitive/

There are four of them living in my house. Four beautiful, creative, curious, and extremely sensitive children who live under our roof It really is a blessing, most of the time.

Comment:
What a beautiful description of your children’s sensitivities, Tabitha!
Films and news broadcasts can be really distressing.
Kind regards
Jo, Sprite, Retweet and the White Poodle

Happy Quirks of Perfectionism in a Young Asynchronous Boy ~ The Cardinal House (Carissa Leventis-Cox)
http://thecardinalhouse.blogspot.com.au/2015/05/happy-quirks-of-perfectionism-in-young.html

When my 2 year old son discovered that he wrote one letter of his name backwards, he threw himself on the floor and howled for 30 minutes. It was an unbelievable and uncontrollable temper tantrum. Nothing I did consoled him and I felt just as defeated. But since that first outburst, I have learned that perfectionism comes with happy quirks too and we often lose sight of these. Let us remember that by celebrating these happy quirks, we allow our children to accept and delight in one of the fundamental parts of their being.

Comment
Lovely description of the positive aspects of perfectionism!
Kind regards
Jo, Sprite, Retweet and the White Poodle

Healthy Perfectionism and How to Encouragement ~ Through a Stronger Lens (Nicole Linn)

https://throughastrongerlens.wordpress.com/2015/05/18/healthy-perfectionism/

Healthy perfectionism fuels the Olympic athlete, the best-selling novelist, and the mathematician who spends years proving a theory. Embrace it. Teach your children that mistakes are hurdles, not roadblocks, and teach them to leap.

Comment
Thank you Nikki! You have given some very helpful practical advice here and valuable links to further reading
Kind regards
Jo, Sprite, Retweet and the White Poodle

In Defense of Perfectionism ~ Up Parenting Creek (Maggie McMahon)
http://upparentingcreek.com/in-defense-of-perfectionism/

Perfectionism gets a bad rap. Let’s face it; there are lots of professions out there, where we expect precision. If your child is naturally precise, learn to embrace and encourage it, while balancing against the fear of failure and unreasonable expectations.

Comment
I really appreciate the distinction you have made between precision and perfectionism. A great post, thank you!
Kind regards
Jo, Sprite, Retweet and the White Poodle

Managing Perfectionism: 10 Tips for Helping Your Child ~ Raising Lifelong Learners (Colleen Kessler)

http://www.raisinglifelonglearners.com/managing-perfectionism/

Perfectionism can be so overwhelming for gifted kids that they can become paralyzed, and unable to even try new things. As a parent, watching your child struggle isn’t easy, especially when you’re not sure what to do. Here are 10 tips to help you help your child. Managing perfectionism is often a lifelong battle — but these tips can help build a toolbox of strategies.

Comment:
Thank you for these helpful strategies for helping a child cope with perfectionism, Colleen
Kind regards
Jo, Sprite, Retweet and the White Poodle

My Gifted Family: My Quirky Sense of Humor and Their Emotional Sensitivities ~ Crushing Tall Poppies (Celi Trepanier)

http://crushingtallpoppies.com/2015/05/18/my-gifted-family-my-quirky-sense-of-humor-and-their-emotional-sensitivities/

The emotional sensitivities and intensities of the gifted people in my house lowers the tolerance level to some of my greatest pranks.

Comment
Really loved the tale of the Valentines boxers!
Our family has a really strange sense of humour too.When we are all together there is a great deal of laughing – usually as we play word games building on each others comments.
The main crossing point between humour and sensitivities used to occur in relation to spiders. Some liked them and some were afraid of them. So cartoons, such as a picture of a huge hairy spider looming of a teddy bear, would be left warning about the location of spiders.
Kind regards
Jo, Sprite, Retweet and the White Poodle

Navigating Perfectionism ~ Eclectic Homeschool (Amy B.)
http://eclectic-homeschool.com/navigating-perfectionism/
Perfectionism can be quite demanding. It can cause a child to crumple paper and throw it angrily across the room because something wasn’t just right. It can provoke a child to slam down a pencil and break the lead because one problem was missed. It can keep a child to from trying unless the child is assured of success. I know these things all too well.

Comment
Thank you for all these helpful strategies for combating perfectionism – love the idea of hiding Mr Perfect!
Kind regards
Jo, Sprite, Retweet and the White Poodle

Perfectionism and Anxiety are No Fun ~ Gluten-Free Mum (Kathleen Humble)
http://yellowreadis.blogspot.com.au/2015/05/perfectionism-and-anxiety-are-no-fun.html

“I have to be perfect”
It sounds like a great thing, doesn’t it? A drive to get better at a task until you are the best you can be – a perfect swim, a perfect score, a perfect canvas, or a perfect story. Um, no. For our family, it sucks.
Comment
It will be a ‘long running campaign’ but it sounds as if you have some good strategies in place
Kind regards
Jo, Sprite, Retweet and the White Poodle

Seven Signs of Perfectionism in Children ~ Everyday Learning (Alessandra Giampaolo)

http://everydaylearning.handinhandhomeschool.com/7-signs-of-perfectionism-in-children/

Aiming for high standards can actually be a positive trait we’d like to see in children. But when that drive for perfection breeds a fear of failure and avoiding opportunities, then the line has been crossed to the dark side… Can you spot the hidden signs of perfectionism in your child?

Comment
The red flags are helpful for distinguishing between positive  desire to do well and the darker negative aspects of perfectionism. Looking forward to your post about helping children to overcome perfectionism
Kind regards
Jo, Sprite, Retweet and the White Poodle

Ten Signs That You’re a Perfectionist and Ten Things You Can Do About It ~ Your Rainforest Mind (Paula Prober)

https://rainforestmind.wordpress.com/2015/05/18/signs-of-perfectionism/

Distinguish between healthy perfectionism that looks like very high standards and aims for beauty, balance, justice, harmony and precision and unhealthy perfectionism that looks like anxiety, paralysis and worthlessness when faced with a task where you’re not guaranteed success. The former, you learn to love; the latter, you work to heal.

Comment
Always enjoy your wisdom and humour Paula!
Kind regards
Jo, Sprite, Retweet and the White Poodle

The Curse of Perfect ~ Random Everyday Blessings (Tabitha Ferreira)

https://randomeverydayblessings.wordpress.com/2015/05/18/the-curse-of-perfect/

There exists in my house a parasite. A tiny vampire that feeds off of the insecurities that hide below the surface and infects the inhabitants with an obsessive need for perfection. He rears his ugly head in different ways for different family members but his existence plagues us all.

Comment
Thank you for sharing how you deal with the parasite of perfectionism.
Another wonderful young Australian singer who has overcome stuttering is Harrison Craig.
Kind regards
Jo, Sprite, Retweet and the White Poodle

The Threads of Perfection: Tips for Taming the Talent ~ Wenda J. Sheard, JD, PhD

https://wendasheard.wordpress.com/2015/05/18/the-threads-of-perfection/

After I helped pin the quilt to the wall for photographing, I stood back to let the photographers do their magic. From a distance, the cream and brown colors of quilt’s fabric emerged into an elegantly scrolled capital letter, “F.” Suddenly I understood. The quilter’s decision to leave those threads hanging all raggedy was an “F” message about perfection.

Comment
Love the concept of taming the perfectionism by predetermining that some things do not have to be perfectly perfect and the concept of the humility square.
Thank you very much for an inspiring post, Wenda!
Kind regards
Jo, Sprite, Retweet and the White Poodle

When Your Child is a Perfectionist: Advice from the Trenches ~ My Little Poppies (Caitlin Curley)

http://my-little-poppies.com/when-your-child-is-a-perfectionist/

Leo is a perfectionist and, as a perfectionist, he is afraid of failure to the point of complete immobilization. He will assess a new situation, determine his risk for failure, and refuse to participate if he doesn’t think he can immediately do it well. We have been dealing with Leo’s perfectionism for years now and I have a feeling it is something we will continue to work on as the years progress. So, what has worked? While I certainly don’t claim to have all the answers, I am happy to share strategies that have worked for this school-psychologist-and–mom-to-a-major-perfectionist.

Comment
Love the idea of asking “What is the very worst thing that could happen?”
And also the concept of naming and discussing perfectionism with the child
Thank you for sharing some really helpful strategies, Cait.
Kind regards
Jo, Sprite, Retweet and the White Poodle

White Poodle, Black Poodle ~ Sprite’s Site (Jo Freitag)

Poodles can be white as well as black and, in the same way, perfectionism can be both positive and negative.

We are back home again with lots of extra insights and strategies
“I think I would like to try quilting again” Sprite said

This has been a summary of the Gifted Homeschoolers Forum May 2015 Blog Hop Perfectionism and other Gifted/2E quirks

http://giftedhomeschoolers.org/blog-hops/perfectionism-gifted2e-quirks/

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White Poodle, Black Poodle

Image Jo Freitag

Image Jo Freitag

Sprite is very fortunate to have Paula, the Physicist as a mentor.
Not only does Paula share Sprite’s passion for astronomy, but she has also overcome the same learning difficulties that Sprite has and gained tertiary degrees.

Paula has been encouraging Sprite to accept the accommodations and extra support she needs and not to feel embarrassed about wearing one pink slipper when necessary.

But Sprite is still often reluctant to wear the pink slipper.
“People might say if I am clever enough to be in the gifted group I should not need any extra help” Sprite told Paula. “And if I do put on the pink slipper they might say I am faking and just looking for attention and that I can do well enough without it.
And some of the programs I was in last year have not continued this year.”

“So I wear the Can Do sandals or the Investigative grey sneakers and just try to do my assignments perfectly without any extra help but Intellectual Dabrowski brings me SO MUCH information that I cannot deal with all of it and then P’est Pour Parfait, the Perfectionist Poodle says what I have done is not good enough. He says I should have written more and that I have made spelling mistakes.
And he says to hurry because it has to be finished and handed in at the end of the lesson but not to hurry so much that I make more mistakes. And I get so tired that I just want to stop work and go home.”

Paula identified two issues from this conversation with Sprite.
She suggested that it was time to visit Dr Ed Needs, the education consultant,
again for a review of Sprite’s progress and recommendations for further provisions.

And she asked Sprite an interesting question.
“What colour is P’est Pour Parfait, the Perfectionist Poodle?”

“He is black” Sprite told her. “His coat is always very shiny and perfectly groomed with not a hair out of place.”

The next time Paula visited was after Sprite’s appointment with Dr Ed Needs.
Sprite was convalescing at home after an operation (more about that in another post) and she was sporting a new cast. Dr Ed had organized more formal support measures for her.

“In a way it is a relief” Sprite told Paula “because now I don’t have to worry about the pink slipper. But all this testing and therapy seem to be taking so long!  How long will it be before everything is perfect?”

Sprite is very fortunate to have Paula as a mentor!
“I have found” Paula told her “that being 2E is not something that goes away or that I could outgrow. But there have been people to support me and programs to help and I have still managed to be quite successful in spite of my difficulties. I would like to share some of those things with you. One day you will be able to do the same for someone else.”
And Paula had brought a gift to cheer Sprite up. It was a white soft toy poodle wearing a purple coat and purple framed sun glasses.

poodlementorgift

“I thought it would remind you of our time we have together because of the purple coat which is like the Purple Riding Boots Mentor Program” she said.

Image Jo Freitag

Image Jo Freitag

“And also it will remind you about what I am going to share with you now.
Poodles can be white as well as black and, in the same way, perfectionism can be both positive and negative.
Dr. Linda Silverman says that perfectionism is the root of excellence and the driving force that propels toward the attainment of higher goals.

poodlementor06

She also discusses perfectionism in an article Perfectionism: The Crucible of Giftedness which you can find at http://nmgifted.org/GAC%20Resources/Perfectionism%20The%20Crucible%20of%20Giftedness-SILVERMAN.pdf

Perfectionism can be a negative force when it causes you to procrastinate or prevents you from participating for fear of not excelling or if it causes you to never be satisfied with any effort and never feel that you have done well enough.

Some people say that no human can ever be perfect or create anything which is perfect because this is an attribute only of the Divine. In fact artists from Eastern traditions have been known to purposely include a slight flaw in their work.

That is why White Poodle is wearing sunglasses – so that he will not dazzle himself with his own brilliance!
White Poodle is here to remind you that it is great to strive for excellence and to attain the ecstasy of being totally in the state of Flow described by Csikszentmihalyi in 1990.
But White Poodle is also cautioning you to be gentle with yourself and not let the negative aspects of perfectionism rob you of your joy.

 

poodlementor08b

This is a post for the Gifted Homeschoolers Forum May Blog hop Perfectionism and Other Gifted/2E Quirks.
To read posts from others please go to
http://giftedhomeschoolers.org/blog-hops/perfectionism-gifted2e-quirks/

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2E is

The topic for the Hoagiesgifted May Blog hop is 2E kids www.hoagiesgifted.org/blog_hop_2e_kids.htm

So I asked Sprite to tell me what being a 2E kid means to her and here is her response and links to some websites, articles and resources.

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If Gifted = Asynchronous Development, then Gifted/Special Needs = Asynchrony Squared by Lee Singer
http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/asynchrony_squared.htm

Cherry Creek Schools Twice exceptional Distinguishing characteristics
http://www.cherrycreekschools.org/StudentAchievement/Documents/2EDistinguishingCharacteristics.pdf

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Columbus Cheetah mythbuster http://www.giftedresources.org/gr/columbuscheetah.htm

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Underachievement https://spritessite.wordpress.com/2013/05/26/gifted-under-achievers/

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https://spritessite.wordpress.com/tag/debono-6-action-shoes/

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http://www.cherrycreekschools.org/StudentAchievement/Pages/TwiceExceptional.aspx

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https://spritessite.wordpress.com/2014/11/15/new-shoes/

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Dr Linda Silverman says so in The two-edged sword of compensation : How the gifted cope with learning disabilities

 

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Accommodations https://spritessite.wordpress.com/2015/04/18/pleading-the-pink-slipper/

Mentors https://spritessite.wordpress.com/2012/10/04/purple-riding-boots/

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https://spritessite.wordpress.com/about-the-characters/

Doggy classroom dynamics https://spritessite.wordpress.com/2014/10/29/doggy-classroom-dynamics/

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2E newsletter
http://www.2enewsletter.com/

Hoagies Gifted Twice Exceptional resources page
http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/2e_exceptional.htm

Gifted Homeschoolers Forum Twice Exceptional resources page
http://giftedhomeschoolers.org/resources/twice-exceptional/

This post part of the Hoagiesgifted May blog hop
To read all the posts go to www.hoagiesgifted.org/blog_hop_2e_kids.htm

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